Who’s an old fart?
How to Identify an Old Fart…
Old farts aren’t necessarily male. However, most are. And, to be sure, they would insist on using male preferred pronouns in writing. After all, it is the King’s English, you know. Additionally, old farts are not automatically old. A young teacher who can’t wait to enforce the school rules and who looks forward to adding new ones likely is an old fart. Similarly, the student on the other side of the teacher’s desk who can’t wait to follow those rules and to confide in the teacher just who has been breaking them, equally would qualify for membership.
Through it all, however, old farts most often do know how to laugh at themselves. So, what do you think? Why don’t you e-mail us at Contact Us with your favorite “old fart” characteristic? Maybe we’ll add it to the list.
Old Fart Driving Style
Did you ever notice that the old fart behind the wheel driving exactly the speed limit always seems to be wearing a hat? That is why our official membership kit includes the option of a self-proclaiming hat. (It can be worn while driving or in leisurely old fart activities!)
Old Farts Gather
Old farts aren’t sitting on a park bench alone. Many of our members have subsets. For example, we know of a group that gathers Friday nights to play poker. All proudly wear their Official Old Fart™ caps. Another group enjoys fishing while wearing their hats! There’s even a Saturday morning breakfast club. Naturally, they go to the same breakfast restaurant, at the same time, and sit at the same table.
How about you? Do you have an old fart gathering group? Send us the details in our Contact Us page so we can recognize your group.
Qualities of an Old Fart
Defining an “old fart” is one of those nebulous constructs hard to delineate. It is one of those vague terms that best can be concluded, “You know one when you encounter one.” Some are cranky, irascible, and grouchy. But some are pleasant, mild-mannered, and easy going.
Many are fuddy-duddies, fussbudgets, uptight, neurotic, stodgy, and bothered about a wide variety of things. For example:
Rules are rules.
I’ve done things this way for years and I’m not about to change now.
I love watching “I Love Lucy” reruns. They don’t make good TV shows the way they used to!
As far as I’m concerned, if you’re not at least five minutes early, you might as well be five minutes late.
There’s a reason why I put coasters on the table. Use ‘em!
When was the last time you think they cleaned this place?!
If the sign in the quick supermarket checkout lane says “Twelve items or less,” the cashier should refuse to serve those with more.
I’ll get to doing those things when I’m good and ready and not a minute sooner!
Why does everything have to change all the time? I remember when I was young …
Before I make any decision, I like to think things over, sleep on it, and keep it in mind.
I can’t understand why everyone is in such a rush these days.
I’ve been waiting so long for my meal. What did they have to do, go out and catch the cow before they cooked my steak?!
You know, the service really wasn’t that good. I don’t think we should leave a tip.
The speed limit says 30 MPH and I’m not driving one mile faster.
I like to park my car taking two spaces. That way, no one can open their door against my fender.
He’s the doctor? He looks like he should still be in high school!
You get the idea. There are many more qualities of an Official Old Fart™. Of course, any resemblance in these examples to E. Phineas Farquhar is purely coincidental!